Katherine Ruiz, founder of People Haircare, always knew she was meant to be a mother. But when she met her partner, Aaron, and learned of his diagnosis of Azoospermia – a condition affecting less than 1% of men – she realised their path to parenthood would be far from simple.
Despite the challenges, Katherine’s determination to become a mother, along with the unwavering support she and Aaron provided each other, helped them overcome obstacle after obstacle, strengthening their bond as a team.
In this deeply inspiring story, Katherine shares the highs and lows of their fertility journey, detailing the emotional and physical trials they faced together.
When did you start thinking about your fertility?
“My partner Aaron and I first saw a fertility specialist in January 2023 due to Aaron having been diagnosed with Azoospermia – when there is no sperm in the ejaculate – which affects less than 1% of males.
I knew from the moment I met Aaron that our road to conceiving wasn’t going to be linear. [When] we first spent time together, someone joked about us having kids together, which I giggled at, but Aaron quickly told me he couldn’t have children. I was upfront and told him that I knew children were a part of my purpose but that having children could look different depending on someone’s circumstances.
I don’t think I fully realised at that point or completely understood the uncertainty of the situation for Aaron on whether or not he would be able to have biological children. To be honest, I only think I truly understand that now. But for me, I had thought about my fertility long before this. While I was still at school, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome. I still have a vivid memory of the moment I was told without any understanding of what it was. I knew early on that I wanted to be a mother, so the thought that something could affect this shook me.”
What were your expectations before beginning your fertility journey?
“I’m probably only now starting to reflect on this more and truly understand everything. I was feeling at the time. I didn’t fully grasp how quickly everything happened for Aaron. He found out about his diagnosis not long before separating from his ex-wife and then met me shortly after that. Because I was and have always been so clear about my desire to be a mum, I was very upfront with Aaron early on in our relationship. I wanted to understand exactly what his diagnosis meant for us.
I can’t speak for him, but my perception or understanding of what was happening for him was that he went from always wanting to have children to being told there was a possibility he couldn’t have children, processing what that meant and trying to get comfortable with what his life would look like without children.
I met Aaron at a very confusing, vulnerable time of his life. I believe [that] because of the challenges that I faced and overcame prior to meeting Aaron, I was able to be there for him in a very secure and grounded way. It was a very challenging first year for our relationship, but one that really cemented the team that we are. It brought us closer together and made us see and love each other on a much deeper level.
It was also a confusing time for me, which taught me a lot of patience. Because of everything Aaron was going through, I didn’t want to push him to give me an answer about children, but I also knew that it could potentially be a deal breaker for me. Prior to meeting Aaron, I had started exploring what having children on my own looked like and researching to understand more about the adoption process. Also, because of my history with mental health, my support network advised a strong caution about the IVF process and how the medication would trigger and affect me mentally. I am a strong believer in the way the universe talks to us and am always listening and aware of what is showing up for me. I was confused that I could feel so strongly about having children and after everything I had been through, to then finally meeting this incredible man who had this diagnosis. I thought my purpose was being questioned.”
What did your fertility journey look like?
“In January 2023, we had our first appointment with a fertility specialist. Then, in April, Aaron had his sperm extraction. We began injections for the first egg collection in May. On May 29, 14 eggs were collected, with 12 of those eggs successfully fertilised with Aaron’s sperm, and then four embryos made it to day five before they were frozen. Ideally, they would have done a fresh transfer with one of those embryos, but because of my PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome), there was concern about OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome). I was quite bloated after the egg collection, so they advised us to wait until my next cycle to do a transfer to allow my body time to rest.
They froze the four embryos, and we went to Bali for a month, which was already planned. When we came back, I got my period earlier than I had expected, which I thought was a good sign. Our first transfer was done the day before my birthday in September, and ten days later, we got a call saying my blood had confirmed a positive pregnancy test.
Towards the end of September, I had some brown spotting during the day, which turned into pink blood that night. Although the blood was only light at this stage, I was sure I was miscarrying. I remember sitting on the toilet crying and Aaron hugging me while I was on the toilet, and we were both just crying. The next day, I spoke to the nurses and doctors, who advised me to get a blood test. I cried through the whole blood test. I got a call later that day saying that my HCG levels were still high and that only my progesterone had dropped. They told me to stay positive and increased my progesterone medication to try and get my levels back up. Sure enough, the next blood test showed my progesterone levels increasing and my HCG levels continuing to increase. I was so confused but decided to be hopeful and stay positive. I am a fighter, and I thought our baby was fighting to stay alive. They said to continue taking the medication until my first ultrasound the following week.
When they scanned me, they could not detect a fetal pole or yolk. The person scanning me thought maybe I was a week behind but didn’t say much. I was told to wait to speak to our doctor and the nursing team. Meanwhile, my blood showed my progesterone and HCG continued to increase. Once I spoke to the doctors, they could not confirm whether it was a viable pregnancy, but they also would not confirm if it wasn’t viable. They said I would have to wait two weeks to have another scan.
This was one of the hardest, if not the hardest, two weeks of my life. At this point, I knew in my gut that it was not viable, but in my heart, I still held on to hope. On October 19, I had my second scan and they confirmed there was no baby. Because my HCG and progesterone were continuing to increase, it meant my body believed it was pregnant even though I wasn’t. It may have been holding on to a small amount of pregnancy tissue and tricking my body into thinking there was a baby there. Because of this, it was unlikely that my body would pass the pregnancy naturally, and if it did, it could be weeks or months before it did.
We were referred to the early pregnancy system at the Royal Women's, where they advised I had the option to either wait until my body passed the pregnancy naturally or intervene medically or surgically. I just wanted to do whatever option gave us the best chance to do another transfer. I was advised at the time that avoiding surgery was also the best-case scenario, and therefore, I was given medication to take home so that I could miscarry at home.
I have never experienced more pain in my life than I did that day, both physically and emotionally. The medication works to induce contractions that you would normally have naturally when you are having a baby, but because I wasn’t having my baby, you are not supported by the naturally released oxytocin that you would normally have in that situation. It was awful.
After all of that, we were then told because we chose to intervene medically, we would have to wait another two cycles before we did another transfer. After the bleeding subsided, it took over 50 days for me to get my next period. We decided to see a new specialist who advised they would have recommended having the surgical option if we had been under his care. Although he did give me the option to do a transfer on my first cycle, he advised me to wait until my second cycle to give my body the best chance of recovery. After having time to grieve and think more clearly, I knew this was best. I wanted to do everything I could to give our baby the best chance of surviving that next round.
On February 19 2024, we had our second transfer, and on the 29th of February, we got a call to say that the blood test confirmed a positive pregnancy result. Because we had had this call before, I don’t think I allowed myself to feel excited until the scan because I knew too well the pain of hearing positive news only to be met with heartbreak during the scan. Those two weeks of waiting were awful but so worth it when we saw the little heartbeat on the 18th of March. I’m now 38 weeks pregnant.”
What was the most surprising thing that happened to you during this time?
“Throughout the process, most people assumed we were doing IVF due to infertility issues that I had. From the first appointment we had, all of the attention was focused on me. All the questions were directed at me rather than having a balanced approach towards both of us. It was astonishing and a bit disheartening to realise how ingrained the misconception is that fertility problems are primarily a woman’s issue. This experience underscored the importance of educating others that infertility can affect both partners.”
What was the best or most rewarding thing that happened to you during this time?
.png)
“The way my love and relationship with Aaron strengthened. I am so proud of the way we both supported each other through such a challenging time.”
What do you feel is the biggest misconception surrounding fertility?
“In my experience, the biggest misconception surrounding fertility is that it is primarily a woman’s issue. As I mentioned earlier, this misconception is harmful because it places undue stress and blame on women, reinforces outdated gender stereotypes, and leads to missed diagnoses and treatment opportunities for men. Male fertility issues account for about 40-50% of infertility cases, and neglecting to test men can result in prolonged struggles for couples trying to conceive. A balanced approach involving both partners is crucial for effective and equitable fertility care.”
What was the most helpful thing you did for yourself during this time?
“During my first transfer, it was an extremely busy time for both of our businesses and personally. After the miscarriage, we made a conscious effort to slow down where we could. The tricky thing about IVF is the timing is so controlled by your cycle and for someone like me with such irregular cycles, it makes it difficult to plan around. Having said that, because of how important this was and is to us, we supported each other in making decisions to slow down wherever possible. Moving my body, acupuncture and maintaining my regular sessions with my psychologist were non-negotiables.”
What advice would you give anyone who hasn’t yet gone down their fertility path?
“The power of conversations with other women. I have a strong network of support people around me so I didn’t think speaking to other women in the same position was necessary. After our miscarriage, I reached out to a friend I went to school with who had been through her own extensive IVF journey and walked away feeling so much more understood and seen. IVF is an excruciating journey, one that only those who have experienced it will understand. I found it valuable to hear firsthand experiences and know you’re not alone in your journey.
I would also suggest empowering yourself by doing your own education. The fertility process moves quickly, and it’s often assumed that you understand all the discussed medical jargon and procedures. Taking the time to educate yourself can help you feel more in control and make more informed decisions. Don’t hesitate to ask questions and seek resources to help you understand each step of your journey.”
Disclaimer
This article is for general informational purposes only. It is not intended to be medical advice and is not a substitute for medical advice. You should speak with a medical professional if you wish to assess your fertility and before making any decisions about healthcare, including contraception.
