When Lola Berry and her partner decided to freeze her eggs and embryos, they thought the process was fairly straightforward. “I planned to get a few made into embryos and then donate the rest to queer groups,” she said. But as with most things in life, they don’t always go as planned.

After going through the embryo freezing process, the author, actor, and podcaster realised that her fertility journey would be far more complicated than she’d ever imagined.

“Before doing this, I had a huge fear of not becoming a mother. Now I know I’ve done the best I could with the means I had and I don’t believe I will have any regrets as I had the courage to explore this path.”

We spoke with Lola to discuss her experience, the hurdles and the misconceptions surrounding fertility.

When did you start thinking about your fertility?

“Around 34 years old, my boyfriend and I both knew we weren’t ready to have kids yet, but we decided that around each birthday (we’re born two days apart), we’d have an honest chat and check in about wanting kids.”

What were your expectations before beginning your fertility journey?

“My expectations were wild – and to be honest, totally unrealistic! I thought I'd get a huge number of eggs. But I had no idea how hard the process would be and that people usually undergo multiple rounds for even just one embryo.”

Medical note: The number of embryos obtained in each IVF varies between individuals. Some individuals will obtain several embryos in one cycle, other individuals may have cycles in which no embryos are obtained. Two factors that influence the number of eggs or embryos obtained in a cycle are the age of the female and their ovarian reserve (the number of eggs in their ovaries).

When did you decide to start your fertility journey?

“When I was about to turn 37, my boyfriend and I had a big chat. We knew we still weren’t ready for kids, and we still don’t think we’re ready or know if we want kiddos. But I believe in not having regrets, so we decided to freeze my eggs.

I met with two fertility doctors and started working with a fertility naturopath, and they all advised us to freeze embryos instead of eggs for a higher success rate. Again, I thought I’d get loads of eggs and still planned on freezing both eggs and embryos and then donating the surplus – how wrong was I.

Medical Note: We have a lot more certainty regarding the chances of a couple achieving a pregnancy when embryos are frozen. There is no way of assessing the quality of an egg other than by looking at the age of the female and making the assumption that the younger she is, the better the quality of the egg is likely to be. Freezing eggs also doesn’t take into consideration the quality of the sperm. Embryos on the other hand are tested - the first test applied to the egg and sperm is, will the egg fertilize? If it does fertilize, then will the embryo survive and grow in the incubator for the next 5-6 days. If an embryo grows to a certain pre-requisite developmental stage, it is then possible to biopsy the embryo to check its chromosomes (the most common reason for a first trimester miscarriage is an embryo having an abnormal number of chromosomes). If the embryo passes all of these tests (and not all do), then we can say that it will have approximately a 50% chance of facilitating an ongoing pregnancy.
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So per frozen egg there is a lower likelihood of achieving a successful pregnancy compared to a frozen embryo, however more eggs will be frozen in one cycle than embryos as not all of the eggs obtained will fertilize and grow as embryos.

Embryos do tend to survive the thawing process better than eggs, which are more fragile. It is important to also note that eggs are the sole property of the woman, and in the event of a relationship breakdown, they remain her property. Embryos are joint property and if the relationship was to break down, either ex-partner could request that the embryos be discarded.

I did three months of prep work with my naturopath’s fertility supplements and got on top of my blood sugar levels. I got some tests done, including my AMH (I now tell all my friends they have to get their AMH tested!) and I also found out that I had sub-clinical PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome). After three months of getting my pre-natal health on track, I then met with a fertility specialist. I didn’t gel with him, so I called my GP and got a new referral. The second doctor was much nicer and understood my goals of becoming an actor and wanting to buy time with Fertility treatment.

Once we got the go ahead , it all happened pretty quickly. Unfortunately, it wasn’t smooth sailing for me at all. I went in for my first internal ultrasound, I had something called ‘hyperstimulation,’ which meant I’d responded a little too well to the medications. They pulled my procedure date forward and changed my trigger drugs.

Medical Note: Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) is a condition that occurs when the ovaries over-respond to the fertility medication known as follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH). However, thanks to alternative trigger injections that are taken about 36 hours before the egg collection surgery, the incidence rates of OHSS have significantly decreased.” OHSS is more commonly observed in younger women who have a good ovarian reserve, as well as women with polycystic ovaries (PCO) or polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). It is more likely to encounter milder cases of OHSS than moderate or severe cases.

I had my egg collection procedure done in QLD and before I knew it, I was in the recovery room and was quickly reunited with my boyfriend (whose job seemed a little easier as he simply had to provide a sperm sample).”

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What hurdles did you face along the way?

“The hurdles came after the collection as my expectations didn’t match the reality. Because we went for embryos, these little iced bambinos had to survive for five days. And I had no idea that each day there’s a die-off, literally. So, what you start with on the collection day often isn’t what you end up with five days down the line. I booked three emergency therapy sessions during this time and leaned very heavily on two friends and my boyfriend. The waiting was a really dark time for me – I just want other people to be prepared for that.”

What surprised you the most during this time?

“My bond with my boyfriend grew stronger. It’s always been unreal, but he just held space for me while I was in a world of mental and emotional anguish. He didn’t need me to cheer up. He just let me cry and made my favourite foods to help support me while I was moving through a weird kind of grief.”

What was the most rewarding part of your journey?

“I will say that before doing this, I had a huge fear of not becoming a mother. Now I know I’ve done the best I could with the means I had – it's not a cheap venture, especially if you’re considered ‘socially infertile,’ which we were – and I don’t believe I will have any regrets as I had the courage to explore this path.”

Medical Note: Fertile heterosexual couples who plan to freeze their embryos for future use are ineligible for Medicare rebate. The Medicare rebate is applicable to couples who are trying to conceive but unable to do so for a medical reason, for example, a blocked fallopian tube or low sperm count.

After your experience, what do you think is the biggest misconception surrounding fertility?

“Well, before I did this, I had no idea what the term ‘socially infertile’ meant, but it essentially means that on paper, you’re fertile. So, if you’re in a position like mine and doing this for future planning, then there are no medicare rebates at all. Therefore, the cost is high. I think there should be more support around people doing this for future planning and supporting those aiming to fall pregnant now.”

What was the most beneficial thing you did to take care of yourself during this time?

“Therapy! 100% therapy. It was important to have someone who knew my goals and why I was doing this to talk it out with. You see, once you jump on the IVF rollercoaster, it takes you on a ride you don’t expect, so it’s easy to lose sight of who you are and why you’re doing this. Looking after my mental health was the most important piece of this puzzle for me.”

Medical Note: Most fertility clinics provide counselling services for women and their partners before, during, or after treatment.

What advice would you give someone before they start their fertility journey?

“Make sure you trust your team because you become very close to them while you’re in an IVF cycle. I sat down and interviewed a brilliant IVF doctor after my egg collection, and he was wonderful. He helped me to understand and look at IVF and fertility through a clear lens, and one of the things he said to me is that the biggest misconception about IVF is that it always works.

When he said that, my mind was blown. He was open about the statistics and options for each individual and I felt like I was talking to an equal. If I were to ever go down that path again, I’d want someone like that on my team.”